Coercion and care by PK Odendaal – October 2025
These two words are, superficially considered, quite the
opposite or antithesis of the other, and maybe some people have the trait of
being coercive and others of being caring. Some are even caring and coercive.
Or is it?
Let us consider any carer, let us say a medical doctor, a
type of person who cares for the health of people.
His focus will be on coercing people into taking an
operation or painful treatment for the sake of the patient’s health. Most people
with agree to the treatment recommended.
Or will they?
They might feel that the diagnosis is not correct, maybe see
another physician, ask a friend, read up or postpone the event.
What is the limit of the authority of the physician to
enforce the treatment and what is the limit of the authority of the patient to
refuse it?
I think both are limitless.
So, the physician must use coercion to care. Sometimes even
force is used if the patient’s life is in danger, according to their oath.
I am reminded of a joke of this kind.
The man went to see the doctor to find out what his ailment,
prognosis and treatment should be. The doctor decides that he must take a certain
medicine so many times a day for so many days. So, he pays the doctor as the
doctor must live or make a living.
He then goes to the pharmacy, gets the prescribed medicine
and pays the pharmacist, as the pharmacist must also live or make a living.
When he exists the pharmacy, he throws the medicine in a
nearby dustbin as he must also live.
This example is extreme, but insightful.
Let us make it a bit more subtle.
First case in point
A mother coerces her child into eating spinach which is ‘good’
for him or her, but the child refuses for it is generally a bitter or
unpleasant dish, unless you add enough other ingredients into it, so that it is
not spinach anymore.
When this child does not want to eat the spinach, some form
of punishment will follow. The mother cares and coerces.
Second case in point.
A teacher gives homework to the class or to one of the
scholars. He or she does not do it. Well, that is asking for punishment. The teacher
cares for the education of the child, but uses coercion, and sometimes even
pain, to get the child to do what the teacher thinks is best for the scholar.
Let us make it even more subtle.
You have a man and a woman in a relationship. There are different
personal characteristics and different views on both sides and the person with
the stronger will or the more brash personality will coerce the other partner
to change the weaker partner’s behaviour to follow the likes and dislikes of
the stronger partner.
They both care for each other, but one of them is using his or
her coercive powers to change the behaviour of the other.
Our last step is even more subtle.
In the relationship mentioned above, the stronger partner
may abstain from using coercion by loving peace of mind better and keeping
quiet to prevent the inevitable conflict.
The weaker partner may see this as weak in the stronger
partner and will bring it on big time on the stronger partner to accept the
idiosyncrasies of the weaker partner.
Caring and coercion are unflinchingly tied to each other,
and there is generally coercion in care or care in coercion.
The answer is to know where the grey area between the two
are, and to know what type of care brings coercion and what type of coercion
brings care.
What about a little kindness?
If you feel your partner does the wrong thing in your
judgement, do not tell him or her blatantly, and most times undiplomatically,
what he or she should do. If you know very well from previous experience that
your partner does the wrong thing, you might want to ask him or her to consider
other avenues of action and leave it at that for your partner to decide without
asking him or her everyday whether he or she has sorted themselves out,
pretending that you are a know all and do all.
Calm down. Life is great, grand and beautiful, and a
coercive caring partner is a stink.
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