Two
is a crowd - by P.K.Odendaal - August 2013
I have dwelt on solitude somewhat in my
previous series named 'Death in the Afternoon', but I wish to revisit it here,
being very important to our anti-social needs - if anti-social rings a bell for
you somewhere. For me it is important.
Privacy.
It is so that the person who has the least
privacy in the world - a non-commissioned soldier - is called a Private. I
wonder why, because, in all earnestness, he should be called a Public. Apart
from his public duties, his work is also open to public scrutiny.
Solitude.
I think this is the most precious state I
wish to be in. In this state my thoughts and actions can be uninhibited and
unbridled - and I like that a million. In this state nobody can blame, overrule,
scold, criticise or obstruct me.
Safety and Security.
These are two words in which the most
brutal atrocities in the world are committed. If you want someone to protect
you, you must give off most of your privacy, so that they can assure your
safety and security. Privacy and Safety and Security are two opposites or
antonyms. I think that is why many people like adventure. It makes them free
from safety and security - and adventure I like, although I am scared to death
just thinking about it. Send me to the moon or into the Borneo rain forest and
that would be the end of me - but still I like the romantic thought of
adventure.
However, on a more public and governmental
level, safety and security is what governments use to make war on their competition
or enemies, and what they use to undermine domestic trouble caused by people
who have a different opinion of how they should be ruled. The Snowden NSA
debacle is a very good example of this - of governments running wild and
unbridled at the cost of the privacy of anyone else.
Company.
It is said that two is a company and three
is a crowd. I do not agree with that. I think one is a company and two is a
crowd, for the simple reason that to add anybody to our solitude would be to
inhibit us. It will force us into accommodation of the second person and of
compromise with him or her - and that crowds our lifestyle - unless of course
it is for short periods by our own free will, invitation or volition. I also
realise of course that the world has seven billion people and that a state of
solitude cannot be attained for long.
As soon as we are two, there will be a
difference of opinion - that is a given. But it goes much further. It increases
our inhibitions. If we were nudists - which I fortunately we not, I hope - a
second person would inhibit our nudity. This is a physical thing, but you can
extend that to emotion, feelings and thoughts. I personally will not cry or
show deep emotions in the presence of anybody.
What company brings us is compromise,
inhibitions, loss of freedom, convention and decorum, standardized responses,
pretension and many more of these things that help to build a wall or
smokescreen between us and the company we have.
What is next is that we need almost
superhuman courage, diplomacy, tact and insight to expose our vulnerability to
connect to this company we are with - and that is risky, troublesome,
humiliating and it takes effort. Otherwise, we can stay superficial; but what
use is that? We can then rather connect with inanimate things, as most of the
world does nowadays, if we wish to have a superficial relationship - it is much
safer. Our whole nature and social needs centre around being with company or at
least with people or being social.
So, we have this conflict in our lives -
between solitude and company, between privacy and security, between being free
of inhibitions and exposing our vulnerability. And what shall we choose? I
think many of us will choose solitude - and that leads us into the trap of
becoming hermits. The last thing we want to be is a hermit; so, are we going to
steer away from solitude? I think we should. We wish to be social animals, but we
also realise that it takes social skills to be social animals; a skill almost
non-existent in Homo sapiens - more basic animals have much more social skills
than we have.
So, every time we go from solitude to
company, we expose ourselves to all sorts of wonderful experiences and outcomes
for which we are not prepared, and that is the excitement of life! Entering
these battlefields of the mind with trepidation and excitement is what life is
about. And many times we return from these skirmishes called social gatherings
all scarred, scathed and upset, although we might escape with impunity now and
then.
This minefield of social interaction hones
our social skills and makes us ready to enter the field of human endeavour, values
and recognition, dignity and service and a fulfilled life.
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