Divorce Part 7 - How do I feel

Divorce Part 7 - How do I feel – by P.K. Odendaal – October 2018

How do I feel at the end of this reel
Trying to cope with a heart that was broke
Not by taking a chance or unwelcome advance
but just in the way which caused much dismay
When me and my spouse each left the house
To find some form of relief from each other's grief

And little did we know it would cause us some woe
Finding our own when we were alone
Thinking of a way to make each one stay
Somehow protected from what we rejected
Trying to live in peace with honour and ease
Just to forget what caused this upset

And trying to learn from the way fortunes turn
What was in store which we missed most before
And glad to be free from each other's decree

And now that it’s over I try to be sober
But I cannot reject the matter of fact
Which brought us together what we thought was forever
As I contemplate these things and the anger it brings

I come to the sense it was in defence
To remain sane in a game which brought us much shame
And scar our emotions by unfounded notions
Thinking what we had has always been bad

And not trying to bring some sense to this thing
Hoping the sands of time would make us sublime
And bury the hate which has sealed our fate
And made us depart from the wish of our heart

Breaking us apart from the mind to the heart
and playing a game to apportion the blame
Which was the effect of no respect
Shown by the spouse to the head of the house

Never thinking the fate of abuse would be hate
And that love pined away when anger held sway
For you and for me who was once meant to be
Locked in this vow for the here and the now

Nothing could mend the breach in the end
And nothing could start the beat of my heart
What is lost can't be found by any word or sound
Neither would tears replace grief through the years

So forgive and forget and don't stay upset
So each have a chance to make some advance

It’s no use to argue abuse in this marital ruse
In the end each has to face its own disgrace
And try to treat its own deceit
For that is the root of the civil suit
To claim that the other was the guilty lover

I rest assured that I have endured
And have done all I could for the common good
And thus I close without any woes
And will live and enjoy as if I was a young boy
Unfettered by stuff of which I had enough.