On friendship - Part 3 - A friend of God is a friend of me.

A friend of GOD is a friend of me ... and fair weather friends.

By P.K. Odendaal - 2 October 2011

This is not a spiritual blog, although it has some spiritual connotations. It is rather a satire on friendship and brotherhood, two terms which I still have to come to terms with.

The subject comes from a joke I heard many years ago.

An elderly nun, dressed in a long black dress with flapping long black coat, was trying to cross a busy street one day. Suddenly a young boy rushed up to her, from the other side of the street, and quickly helped her over the street - an etiquette young boys are not known for. The nun then thanked him profusely for the consideration he has shown, and asked him why he did it, to which he replied: A friend of Batman is a friend of me.

There is a very strange aspect to this subject which I wish to pursue, and that is that we often mistake an enemy for a friend or a friend for an enemy. Not that I take the nun for an enemy.

To twist an old song by Jim Reeves : An enemy is just a friend you do not know.

I have seen the best of friendships end in grief and hatred, due to some misunderstanding about loyalty, trust, jealousy and ... well ... many other things ... the worst of all being that you mistook him or her for a friend whilst they had all the time been enemies.

So why do I think my evaluation of friendship or the evaluation of my friends is so pure and right, and what makes me think that I am such a good friend ... well ... except for that one unfortunate incident ... mmm .. makes you think.

There is also another adage which says : Your friend of today is your enemy of tomorrow. I have yet to see that an enemy of today become a friend of tomorrow - but I may be wrong.

So what makes a friendship or an enemy-ship, and what is so exciting about having a friend ... and .. an enemy? In fact, I find my enemy-ships much more exciting and constant than my friendships. It sort of keeps me going and it keeps me fighting fit.

I must confess however, that a friend of God is a friend of me ... and yet ... why can't I get to grips with that brother in the congregation who once ... what was it again that he did? I have experienced the most frightening breaches of trust and honesty in the Church as well! Yes, I admit - I misread them as friends of God whilst they were friends of Batman - so I take the blame.

What is the test for a friend or a brother :

Pro 17:17  A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity- and - Pro 18:24  A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

Yes, that is what I am looking for - a friend that sticketh closer than a brother - and yet - I have had too few of them.

To quote partly from The Prophet ... in my own words ... And there are those who give (friendship) and know not pain in giving, nor do they seek joy, nor give with mindfulness of virtue; through such people God speaks (to us), and from behind their eyes He smiles upon the earth (us).

I wrote this article some time ago and forgot about it, so when I found myself in need of writing such an article I searched my inventory and bingo ... I found this old one. And since writing the first part, I have experienced quite a few things which add up closely to my original thoughts, but I never thought that the test would be at my expense.

The occasion was a friend of mine wanting to borrow my luxury 4x4 vehicle, my pride and joy and something I cherish almost more than my wife, for a month long journey into really bad African country roads.

That is it. My immediate thought was : yes, you can have it, and I have not since flinched from this decision, despite heavy initial criticism from my family.

Why was I so quick and sure of this? Simply because friendship means something to me. The other side of the coin was that I could have refused and could have become a fair weather friend in the process, like billions of other people, but I will not. I shall never be a fair weather friend. To me friendship is holy and sacrosanct. 

But it was not always so. Since I became a friend of Jesus Christ, my perspective of friendship has changed considerably, as I thought it would. I cannot learn of the selfless, loyal and committed friendship of Jesus Christ, and not have that rub off on me.

When I explained this to my family, they understood and reluctantly agreed with me.

I have had this type of friendship in the high school hostel I was in. We would have given our lives for our fellow hostel hogs, but that changed drastically as soon as I left school, because the friendship after that was mainly abusive and superficial. The more things I possessed to lend out - not that it was much ever - the more abusive and superficial the friendships became, and I developed a very good sense of friend and foe in those times. What I also realized soon, was that my enemies would be the loyal ones, not my friends, because my enemies stayed my enemies, I could count on them for that.

So, why can't I count on my friends, to stay that, and why can't they be so stable and behave as loyal as my enemies. Maybe I need to make friends with my enemies as they might not turn out to be as disloyal as my friends; shall I take that chance?

I try and think whether any of my present friends have been my enemies previously, but I find none. I ask around for advice from my other friends - no they also have none. Enemies are really loyal - and stay that way!

Yes, I have had friends who became enemies and again became friends, but it did not work out - the suspicion and doubt stays and it takes a small mishap to mess that up again - it stays an uneasy peace.

And that brings me to the point. Those friendships broke up, because the one essential part of my relationship with them, namely loyalty, went by the wayside - it was a fatal casualty. And that means a friendship needs loyalty above all else. Without it, that relationship will stay in the cold. What does it mean to be loyal? Most people nowadays seem to still believe in the fallacy of the 'friend in need, friend indeed' stuff - something I never understood in the first place.

Is a friendship really a social contact as some people would have me believe - then when did I sign that contract, and what are the conditions?

I am sure by now that friendship means that I should be prepared to lay down anything for my friend, whatever it is, except my life. Yes, that is the limit, there are no holds barred. One person, I know, could take friendship to the ultimate level, and that was Jesus Christ, who included even His life in that friendship. I also know of a few other rare humans who did that as well in times of crisis - that is the stuff VC's are made of, and is called courage under fire.

On reflection, however, I really need some of my enemies as friends. They are not bad people after all. Some of them have even been the best of friends previously - so they know what friendship entails. But try as I may, that door is closed, although it looks so easy to open.

In the meantime I will keep in mind that the best way to have a friend is to be one, whatever it takes. If, in the process, I find my friend to be disloyal, or not ready to walk the extra mile, will that detract from my friendship in general? I do not think so. If he or she wants to fake it, it does not reflect on me, as long as I do not fake it. And that is my resolve.

And as for my enemies - I just love them - and I love the consistency with which they keep up that relationship. It takes some doing, and I know I can count on their enemy-ship. It would be as hard for them to try and become my friend as it is hard for me to become theirs - I count on that - and that keeps me sharp. And that is why it is said that friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.

 You can read my previous excursion into this domain here, a satirical article about Contacts and Friendships :

http://pkodendaal.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-contacts.html